decelerate to the "L"owest "C"ommon "D"enominator. my drag chute has been deployed to the lowest common denominator. my unemployment ran out last week... after weekly coverage since june, 2008. and in the U.S. of A, $ equals a voice, and mine has been silenced, as assuredly as a tea-bagger's delight in any obama failure.
i've been staying at my sister shannon's place since monday night while she and her boyfriend have been on vacation in vegas. and officially it's been my last hurrah... before reality kicks in. or, at least, until i allow reality back in. but reality will not be denied, no matter my absolute resolve to the contrary. tonight is my last night of exile-denial, so best make the most of it.
at 7:30 AM on tuesday the 23rd, just minutes after i left shannon and her boyfriend at the MSP airport, a 3-car fatal crash on MN I-494 spared me by inches. a flash of mopar silver caught my eye in the rear-view within seconds of the driver's demise. the shock hit me immediately, but the reality didn't bite until i got home. a soul escaped its mortal shell just feet from me. i'm not used to that. 4 days later and it's still strange.
my problems are but a whisper of the real assault on humanity in its current form. humans at this very moment are drawing their last breath while i drink vodka and lament my situation in a centrally-heated shelter. i feel like i'm a whiny little bitch in the grand scheme of things. yet at the same time i feel robbed of the "American Dream" i was 'promised' so long ago. i think i've been deluded to that "American Dream" I was told of in elementary school... where our worries were, at their worst, a trifle in comparison. we, in 1980, dwelled on who shot "J.R." rather than how "The Dukes of Hazzard" would affect our culture in the long run. I have nephews who're died-in-the-wool 'conservatives' who live to work and work to live. they don't concern themselves with current events. they have survival to worry about instead. 23 and divergent of original thought. what have we become? our focus has been diverted from life to "living."
I just spent the last 12 hours watching "WW2 in HD" on the History Channel. and i've been impacted by the prevailing vein of humanity in it. "Average" Joes in WW2 who gave of themselves but expected nothing in return except the theory of freedom which was projected upon Americans during WW2. I had at least 3 uncles directly affected by WW2. my uncle Stan was a belly-ball-turret gunner on a B-17 and flew over 35 missions over Germany... ubiquitously bombing ancesetors in the meantime, as the Dentingers are/were of German/French ancestry. i never asked Uncle Stan if he thought about the people he and the Americans bombed in WW2, and if he once thought about the possible ancestors he helped bomb. but i DID ask him if he ever shot down a German plane from his belly ball turret. He said 'yes', but refrained from elaborating. i took this as a non-sequiter to any further questions... though now i wish i had asked the questions i had before he died in 2004. life will always be a "what if" scenario...
as i listen to Pink Floyd's "Time" i reminisce back to 1988-1989 in high school. i had an 8th -hour Astronomy class. our teacher, Mr. Heil would allow our class 1 song at the beginning of class. Sean Anderson, thank GOD, chose "Pink Floyd" as the theme music, and "Wish You Were Here" as the soundtrack. My life will NEVER be the same again. Thank You, Brits! I will always love you.
but the bottom line will be, and will always be, to ME, the 'sigfried line.' will you slide your right hand past her 'maginal' line? at this point i just want to blow some motherfuckers to kingdom come. "BOOM!"
yet here i am. alone. yet together in the fight for human decency. i want to FUCK. i want to LOVE. i WANT. that is all.
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