#02 - 2:19 AM

entry #2. it's 2:19 AM central. my nights are growing longer again... it could be all the nicotine lozenges i've been gnawing on. it could be the caffeine tabs i take for a boost of energy as chronic fatigue is a symptom of CED (Camurati-Engelmann's Disease). the funny thing is, i'm wide awake. so much for chronic fatigue. i wish i could find a 'fix' for my emotional fatigue. FYI: pot works, but only for so long. i also find that it makes me anti-social. both pot and the emotional fatigue. 'fatigue.' every time i see that word i think of bugs bunny's phonetical pronunciation: "Fah-tee-cued".

my current 'joy' is listening to my top-rated songs on shuffle in iTunes. 'nothingness' acoustic version by living colour is playing now. years ago, in my over-dramatic days, i decided that i'd have this song played at my funeral. "Nothingness. All I have to feel is my loneliness. Nothing in the attic 'cept an empty chest, and nothing lasts forever." that was when i went a span of 4-6 months prior to graduating college dreaming and thinking of my possible premature demise. i slept little. lack of sleep can do some crazy-ass things to the human psyche... yet i still stay up late, sometimes all night. i guess that could explain a lot of things about me. i've been working on a campaign logo for a republican cousin of mine. it depresses me when i have a project like this that i can't get excited about. you'd think getting paid would do it, but no. but it's for my cousin, so that will be my motivation... unless she doesn't win the nomination today. hmmm... observation: shuffling your music, especially when cross-genre-ing, can be a strange trip. i went from 'Nothingness' to 'Love Shack'. 1 minute i'm wallowing in sad beauty, the next i'm doing the 'white man's overbite'. eh, such is my life. happy 1 minute, anything but happy the next.

guess i'll try to sleep now. adios, my friends.