#03 - "Feral Artist"

i figured i had better explain my blog name: "The Feral Artist". you see, i've been unemployed for nearly 2 years, but before then, i had worked nearly 14 years in an office environment. now that i've been 'out' i'm not so sure i'd be able to re-adapt to it again. i swear w/o thinking, i make quips that would offend the highly-sensitive, i can't concentrate, my hygiene is, well... anyway, you get the idea. AND, i want to state as clearly as i can this important decree: I am not writing this blog for sympathy of ANY kind, though i know when sharing emotions and thoughts it can seem as if one were soliciting pity or help. I am not.

i HAVE been trying, though. not as much as i could if i put my entire mind to it, but something is better than nothing i guess. it's an uphill battle, though. with the economy as it is it's tough enough, but add on that the print side of design is, as we used to know it, dead. and i have no experience or training in web or interactive, which nearly every job listing requires. to be honest, web is not where my passion lies. at all. i mean, i'd like to gain a good, solid handle on it for myself, but HTML, CSS, etc. gets into tedious programming, which i am too scatter-brained to be as precise as i'd need to be. but i'd love to learn animation, whether it be Flash or otherwise. i doubt my concentration skills... i know i'm not that patient. but maybe i can develop my patience and concentration if i really tried. i just can't find the motivation. i think what i need to do is simply come up with a story idea to animate. one that i'd be passionate about enough to dedicate the time. i better start with sketches and storyboards first. we'll see how that goes.

i'm meeting with the dakota co. vocational rehab services tomorrow to start planning my future. it may be a job, but it'll likely be school. i think i want to study photography and/or video production. photography can't be outsourced nearly as easily as print and web design can be. or so i figure. and i've been very interested in film for years now. 2-3 years in school, with loans and financial aid, should be enough time to see where this economy will go. i was told that i have a free ride through school, so i'd be stupid not to.

finally, here's a poem i wrote last night. it's the first poem i've written and finished in at least 2 years. it's not great, but here it is, anyway:

- no title -

With the flick of my thumb the transformation begins.

The spark ignites, the blossom burns.

My chest inflates, my heart palpitates, my lungs deflate.

Then I wait...

My furrowed brow is melting now.

I feel my face elongate,

from pinched and puckered

to pliable and placid.

The melt continues through my limbs

like a leafless tree on a warm and humid spring day.

I am now a conduit of the vibrations all around me.

Each note, every pluck

like a lightning bolt through my spine.

My being is tuned into the collective vibe,

the ambient sphere of mood.

I am fluid now, free of form in body and mind.

Even free of gravity, ever so modestly.

I feel I'm floating away from the weight of reason.

I succumb to the numb.

The sofa revolution has only just begun.