#11 - My Open Letter to All Americans

Open letter to all Americans who own, demand or command attention and respect:

22.5 Months Unemployed, and Out of Options.

My name is Patrick. I'm 39, a commercial/graphic artist with a
life-long 'working' disability who has been unemployed since May,
2008. I'll get to the nut, hyperbole-free: since May, 2008, I lost my
job, cashed in my 401k, lost my health coverage (twice since then), my
apartment, my money, my health, my independence, and masticated my
pride long ago. All of my personal belongings have been in a storage unit since November, 2008. Today is March 17, 2010. St. Patrick's Day. And my
luck has run out, even after finding three 4-leaf clovers and one
five-leafer last summer AND sharing said-saint's name. My unemployment
ran out four weeks ago with no more extensions in sight. I'm overdrawn
in my checking account due to needing a prescription filled
(writing a rubber check), and the last time I had an actual savings
account was in high school. I'm sans-health insurance, too, as of January, 2010. Two days later one of my wisdom teeth cracked apart. With a
disability, and medications which I need to take regularly in order to
be functional, and having to pay retail for said medications, I'm left
with seemingly non-existent options. I could pawn my GPS, but if I get
calls for interviews it's highly likely I'll get lost somewhere here
in the Twin Cities metro area without it.

In November, 2008, I had to move in with my sister and her family for
eight months after I was evicted from my apartment. If it hadn't been
for her, well, I don't care to speculate. After my welcome was worn
out, mainly due to my sister's own financial issues (as well as mine), I
moved in with a friend, where I'm still living today, rent-free for
now. I had to leave my home town because all of the jobs in my field
dried up and/or were outsourced to the Philippines (i.e. Glenn Taylor
companies). The friend I'm staying with now was unemployed for over a
year as well, but finally found temporary employment last week. After
this, I'll have nowhere else to go without having my 70 year-old
mother compromise her own limited income just to shelter and feed me.
Well, there IS my car, I guess. If it isn't repoed... looks like I'll
be living on the lam and running from the banks. I HAVE always wanted
to take a road trip to see the USA, though... only not like the Joads.

I avidly keep up with current events, watch and read the news when I
can stand to without getting so frustrated and pissed off that I have
to disconnect from it for a while. The one theme I see is that
corporations have the US House and Senate BOUGHT and PAID for. BOTH
parties are guilty of this. And if you don't have the dough, you don't
pass 'go.' I won't get into the blind obstinance, hatred and greed of
the national Republican party, as it's painfully obvious to the discerning
mind. The problem with that is the general public is distracted from
the real issues with their own problems. I mean, who wants to or has
the time to look beyond the mainstream media for some sort of clarity
when they're working two and three jobs while trying to support their
family? And the two parties depend on this 'forced ignorance'. The spewing of lies
and misinformation sickens me, from the Tea 'Baggers' to Limbaugh to Glenn
Beck. And the so-called 'Blue Dog Dems' are just as bad, trying to
score kickbacks while decrying federal spending. In my opinion, the
whole system has been corrupted by greed and self-image. The Quants,
banks, Wall St., insurance companies and corporations (who are now legally 'people') are driven by one fuel: money. That's all. They see no individual human consequences to their actions. They just need to feed the green and gold monster. Nothing else equates.

If you consider yourself a true human being, you care deeply about
what's happening here and all over the world. I'm only one person. I
can only imagine what it's like to have a family in this crisis. I'm
at the end of my proverbial rope. I've experienced things over the
last 5-8 years I thought only existed in books or movies. I've never
been wealthy. Not even close. But I WAS considered middle-class at one
time. That's all changed. My mind is still middle-class, but my
physical self is 'untouchable.' I don't give a tinker's dam about an
individual congressperson's or senator's issues. They were hired to
work for the people, and most of them aren't doing it. I've applied
for nearly every kind of aid out there, and am waiting for a reply.
I've applied for countless jobs and have had two interviews in the
last year. The waiting game is over for me. My credit rating is in the
cellar. I can't take care of myself the way I used to. If I lose my
car to the bank I'll lose my ability to find work (but I can't drive
now because my tabs/plates are expired and can't renew them). I have
14 minutes left on my cell phone and -$175 in the bank. My family's in
nearly the same situation so they can't help me. And my friends have given me so much already that to expect more would be profane. But I'm not soliciting charity. I'm looking for a real chance, an opportunity to pull myself out of the quagmire with both hands. I have a college degree. I've paid my taxes. I do what every American is expected to do. But those opportunities are like the current incarnation of 'The American Dream': people claim it's still out there, but I'm not seeing it. It's time to think about people, REAL people in REAL peril. What little hope I have left is bouyed by my friends and family, but the bilge pump broke long ago. It's time to seal the cracks and begin again. And you can count me in.

With utmost sincerety,

Patrick D. Dentinger

#10 - circling the drain

i just placed a refill order on my pain med, with no money to pay for it. a nice rubber check to float until... i have no idea. i need my med to function properly. and i have an interview tomorrow AM... which was supposed to be yesterday but because i have gabapentin withdrawals... i'm all out of hope, except for my interview. and even that is iffy. i'm about to break another rule by driving w/ expired tabs, which i can not afford, either. nor $18.50 for a new driver's license. i know i'll have to pay IN for taxes this year, too. and i can't even file until i have money. i've felt near-tears multiple times this week, but the tears don't come. if only my emotional numbness transfered to the physical.

#09 - Like a cat tied to a stick

i have to vent. badly. i feel like a cat tied to a stick. i'm in financial straits and have no real options right now. i'm overdrawn in my checking account, i'm behind on my car payment, credit cards, have no money for food, gas or for my prescriptions i'll need refilled in the next few days. no one in my immediate family has the capability to loan me money, and even if they did, i have no idea how or when i'll be able to repay it. my license tabs are due next week, and i need to get my driver's license renewed. and until i do, i can't go to a food shelf w/o current ID. my friend tad is allowing me to stay here (at his place) rent-free, for now. if i don't have some sort of income in the next few weeks... well, it can't really get much worse than now... except that i may lose my car and have bill collectors constantly hounding me. right now i'm at a complete loss as to what to do next. i want to do things, but w/o money or a 'legal' car to drive soon, i'm stuck. like a cat tied to a stick.

#08 - 22 months

i feel sick today. it's a general malaise mixed with occasional nausea, chills and cold sweats. sounds like the withdrawals...

i applied for 3 part-time jobs today. the pay sucks but i have to do something. i'll have an overdraft tomorrow when my insurance payment is posted. i have no other source of money. almost out of food, meds, gasoline, minutes on my cell, hope, etc. and as of today, i've been unemployed for 22 months. 22 fucking months. god bless this mess.

i'm tired.