#12

i don't even know what to write about anymore. my story remains the same, yet worse. still, somewhat better thanks to my family and friends keeping me going. i've been out of pain meds for a week and have no hope of getting any more anytime soon. my 'old' self is back: the 80-year-old Patrick who grunts everytime he gets up, lays down, or moves. everything hurts, even my hair. and i think i may have some kidney issues. also, i just found out that once again my mail isn't being delivered for some fucked up reason... which means my new driver's license was probably sent back to the state. and my application for GAMC is likely lost in the mix somewhere, too. it's likely due to my asshole bro-in-law, who totally fucked me over last summer when he told the post office that he didn't want my mail in his and my sister's box anymore. i'm pretty sure my car will be repoed within the next few weeks if not before. so, it's time to start selling what little I have for gas and food money. i tried to go to the food shelf here in eagan last week, but they said they needed me to come in for an appointment to get set up first... which isn't until tuesday. thanks to my sister shannon, i have enough food to last til tuesday. and thanks to my family, i'll not lose my stored posessions until at least may... but it looks like i'll need to sell off what i can just to live. still looking for a job, waiting to hear back from some employment agencies, and getting no help from vocational rehab services. i'm emotionally unstable right now, too. i'm OK one minute and freaking out the next, or whenever i allow myself to think about my entire situation. i'm about a grand in the hole in my checking account, and will likely have to open a new account elsewhere if/when i find work or smells fartgo will take anything and everything they can. and i just KNOW they'll catch up to me. bastards took bailout money from us taxpayers (well, i USED to pay taxes) and yet they'll go after any dollar they can grab from small fish like me.

ok. i think i'm through venting for now.